


My Boss Is Dating a Homicidal Zealot

by GreyLiliy



Category: The Transformers (IDW Generation One)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Gen, Humor, Suggestive Themes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-11-01
Updated: 2013-11-01
Packaged: 2021-02-28 04:54:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,053
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22977976
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GreyLiliy/pseuds/GreyLiliy
Summary: The DJD were at Delphi.
Relationships: Pharma/Tarn
Comments: 3
Kudos: 36





	My Boss Is Dating a Homicidal Zealot

**Author's Note:**

> [First posted to Tumblr on November 1, 2013 as “TF - My Boss Is Dating a Homicidal Zealot.” Crossposted to Archive of Our Own on March 1, 2020. Original Notes have been kept.]
> 
> Should be working on NaNo or Drabbles but HNG. Wanted to tackle this prompt again. Inspiration.
> 
> Curses.

The DJD were at Delphi.

Ambulon’s first instinct was to run. Run like his life depended on it—which it did—right out of the base and to the nearest shuttle.

Ambulon’s second instinct was a little more Autobot inspired, and that was to grab Pharma and First Aid, and _then_ run like a mad mech to the nearest shuttle.

Instead, he was doing neither of those two options.

No, Ambulon had taken a third route: To stare awkwardly while standing in the main med-bay doors holding a half-drunken energon cube. It was hard to do anything else when Tarn of the Decepticon Justice Division was standing in the center of it being scolded by Pharma.

Ambulon took a slow sip of his energon cube, optics fixated on the center of the bay: Pharma was yelling at _Tarn._ The whole nine yards. Raised voice, narrowed optics, hands waving in frustration.

“Is the doctor always this way?” A voice asked next to Ambulon’s side.

Ambulon was very proud that he didn’t scream or jump away when he noticed it was from Kaon. Of the DJD. He pulled the cube away, and put everything into an even voice. “Pharma? Yes. I have definitely been on the receiving end of one of those rants.”

“And here I thought he put on a different disposition when greeting us,” Kaon said. A flicker of electricity went up the conductors on his shoulders. Kaon tilted his head, the light disappearing in his empty, black optics. “Shame.”

Ambulon put his cube down on a side table. He glanced at Kaon, and then felt a shiver down his other side. Looking there, he found Vos. Ambulon grabbed his hand to stop the trembling. Across the room, Tesarus and Helex were glaring at Pharma. _Wonderful._

Instincts Ambulon didn’t know he had, were what threw his hand into First Aid’s face when the mech appeared behind him, cutting off his shout of

“SWEET PRI-“

“Hello, First Aid,” Ambulon said, with the same tone he used every morning to greet the ambulance. “You’re here early this morning.”

The nurse shoved at his hand, and pointed at the center of the room. “Ambulon! There are—“

“Guests in the medbay this morning,” Ambulon, but him off. He then glared at the nurse with every inch of Decepticon nature he may have had left. “They’re here to see Pharma. Isn’t that nice?”

“Technically Tarn is here to see Pharma,” Kaon clarified. Vos mumbled something Ambulon didn’t understand, but it made Kaon chuckle. The electric chair browsed through a medical data-pad that had been sitting on the side table. “I’m not sure why we’re here.”

“My mistake,” Ambulon said.

“Get out!” Pharma shrieked across the room, thankfully drawing attention away from the two Delphi Medics. Pharma snarled. “You are breaking our arrangement!”

“Pharma, dear Doctor,” Tarn said. He chuckled and shook his finger in the air. “As I’ve said repeatedly now, I haven’t crossed our deal in any way.”

“You’re standing here, aren’t you!” Pharma yelled, throwing his hands up. Ambulon and First Aid shared a look as their boss huffed and cross his arms. “I think that qualifies!”

“Our deal, is that in exchange for T-Cogs and medical care, that my Decepticon Justice Division will refrain from attacking Autobot Base Delphi and its inhabitants—even the Decepticon traitors you’re harboring,” Tarn said, slightly turning his head in the direction of the two medics near his electric chair and rifle. Ambulon couldn’t hide the shaking this time. First Aid helped by holding his arm. “As everything is still standing, and sparks beating, I fail to see how I’ve done you wrong, Pharma.”

“It was a _secret_ arrangement!” Pharma shrieked. “The entire base is going to know you’re here!”

“I don’t recall this being a secret,” Tarn said. He chuckled deeply and helped himself to a seat on the table in the center of the room. It creaked under his weight, and Ambulon feared for the table’s life almost as much as his own. “Just because you don’t talk about it, doesn’t mean it’s a secret.”

“You are impossible,” Pharma said, throwing his arms up. “Get out of my base. My staff is here and we have work to do.”

“I think I’d rather have a tour,” Tarn said. He snatched Pharma up by the arm, and pulled the flustered jet into his lap. Pharma squawked, and smacked the tank in the chest, but it did nothing. Tarn just held tight to Pharma’s waist, and rubbed his fingers there. “Yes, we can start with the medical bay, and perhaps proceed to the mines—I have wanted to see them in person to see what all the fuss is about—and then, maybe…”

“Tarn,” Pharma snarled, pushing at the purple fingers. “Don’t you dare.”

“…we could retreat to your room and break that berth in. We always interface in mine, I think a change of scenery would do us both some good.” Tarn continued, the humor in his voice sickening.

“You fragger,” Pharma said, dropping his head on Tarn’s shoulder. “I hate you so much.”

“Interfacing!?” First Aid squeaked. “You two _interface?_ ”

Pharma snapped his head up and pointed at Aid. “See!? Seewhat you’ve done!? They’ll never respect me again!”

“That would require respecting you in the first place,” First Aid said. The sight of Tarn groping Pharma must have shattered the nurse’s brain. That was Ambulon’s only excuse for the words that came next. “Which we didn’t. Or I didn’t. Not sure why Ambulon likes you.”

Ambulon smacked himself in the face and tried to hide between his hands.He wanted to sink into the floor. He mumbled into his hands, “No, no, no. What are you doing, Aid?”

“What? He treats you like scum, and I have a hard time respecting that,” First Aid shrugged.

Tarn laughed. “See? Nothing to worry about. If anything this should raise their respect seeing what you do to protect them.”

“That’s true,” First Aid said, crossing his arms. “You must not hate Ambulon as much as I thought you did if you’re willing to frag a Decepticon for him.”

“I hate all of you,” Pharma whined, covering his head as Tarn pat him lightly on the back.

Ambulon turned around and walked of the medbay.

He had a shuttle to catch.


End file.
